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If you love someone set them free

Sometimes love means you have to let go. This is not easy, I always assumed that this was self-preservation, not truly understanding the freedom and love offered to all parties.

Its funny the things you learn about love while you live your life. You can be closed off, guard your heart never allowing it the potential for growth for the fear that a hurt heart will destroy you for life. You can marvel at the brave souls who love with all their being thinking them lucky, not understanding that they are true warriors. Its easy to think those who love easy have never known pain for if they did, “they wouldn’t be …!” (Whatever it is you think they have that you don’t). Fact is they probably do know the pain of love but are willing to risk all so that they can live and be a part of life and love again. The warrior of love has a soul that understands love is worth everything it brings you, the peace, happiness, excitement, pain and sadness, it all makes you feel alive and living a worthy life.

It was while reading Brene Brown Atlas of the Heart that I recognized the true gift of the broken heart and that is growth. It is human nature to not grow as a soul without some kind of challenge.  As everything in life, we don’t truly appreciate or know something until we suffer loss. With each breaking the heart grows bigger and stronger as we patch our hearts with the good times and store our memories of love within the heart and set off to find love again.

There are so many types of love, the love of your partner, your family, your friends, the Divine, passions, hobbies and for the world, but we often forget one major love and that is self-love. I don’t mean to love yourself as a narcist not making room for another, but sometimes to hold and gain love we sell out and we love others to the our detriment. When we do this, we lose who we are by being something we are not to make others happy. The truth is, if we don’t love our self how can we truly love another or expect them to love us. If we change who we are for someone else who do we become?

When you are young and innocent you think love will defeat all; we have not learned that it is a two-edged sword and can completely obliterate you shattering your heart into so many pieces you feel like humpty dumpty and those kings’ men are unable to make you whole again, but with self-understanding we glue our heart together and off into the world we go. Love grows stronger for it leaves the echo in our hearts and the desire to chase it.

Sometimes in life we learn that our love is not reciprocated or is a cage in a life of another. These times are the hardest. We love the other more than they love us. This is where the old saying “If you love someone set them free” comes in and this was my epiphany the freedom is for both parties. I had always thought this was a saying that was dressed up (badly I must say) to make the person who couldn’t and shouldn’t hold onto the love anymore feel better. A saying to ease the loss of everything and to stop the feelings of regret. It is also said “it is better to have loved and lost then never have loved”. These sayings seem trite but the it dawned on me it was actually a gift setting both parties free. It was reminding all that love existed and was real for a time and even though it was a parting love had lived.

Sometimes love is being the one caged by obligation, expectations and responsibility. We are chained to the other in the mistaken belief that we must soften their life with love and learn their lessons for them. Setting love free is learning the cage is unlocked and can be opened at any time and the hardest thing you can do is walk away and let them live their life without running interference. Love is learning that you don’t have to be responsible for all in your life and their actions are not yours, nor a reflection of who you are. Love can feel like a trap as we live up to others or our own expectations. It is with love that we set love free by putting down the chains and opening the cage and walking away for our own wellbeing. We set the other free with love to make their own mistakes so they can grow. Setting love free is loving from the sidelines and from a distance for our own healthy self-love.

When love is a chain of fear and loss, we twist and change to keep what is no longer freely given or offered and when this happens you have wandered off your path and lost contact with who you are. Setting love free is the chance to find you and return to the core and soul of who you are. You have learned to love yourself enough that you say farewell for now or maybe forever. Maybe you will feel broken, sad and grieve hard for the lost dreams but these tears lead to a new paths in life and a new story to weave. This is love, it is love of self and love of another and placing both first

If you love someone and set them free, it is a love of no expectations, freely offered to yourself and another it is the opportunity to return to self-love and esteem. This parting frees both your souls allowing more love of a different kind to enter your lives. Live with courage and love. Learn to honor and love the partings as much as the beginnings. May you live a life of setting love free.

By Rebecca Wilson

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